Questions of Faith, Questions of God? That’s What This Blog Is About!


Have you ever wanted to curse God?

Or maybe shake your fist at Him?

Have you ever had questions and no answers that were worth a plugged nickel?

Have you ever felt like or been made to feel like something was wrong with you because you doubted, questioned, and didn’t understand?


Me too.

Those are the kinds of things we will be wrestling with at Desperately Wanting To Believe Again.

My name is Les Ferguson, Jr. I am a used-to-be preacher turned real estate associate turned speaker, writer, and preacher again. I struggle with faith. I desperately want the kind of hope, faith, and trust needed after a real life Job experience.

If you have questions or wonder what I am referring to, you can read here, or simply google my name and you can find all the lurid and horrific details.

in the meantime, I seek to find my voice anew–and in the process be of service to you, the readers of this blog.

And if you are like minded, if you are searching for authenticity, then check out my blog and if you like what you see, please add your email address and subscribe.

Blessings to you and yours,

Les Ferguson, Jr. (Butch)

Professional & Educational Background

Lake Harbour Church of Christ, Ridgeland, MS 2014–

Coldwell Banker All Stars 2012–2014

Magnolia Bible College BA in Bible 1995

Johnson University MA in New Testament Preaching 2009

Orange Grove Church of Christ, Gulfport, MS 1998–2012

Laurel Church of Christ, Laurel, MS 1995-1998

Vicksburg Church of Christ, Vicksburg, MS 1992-1995

US Navy 1986-1992

33 thoughts on “Questions of Faith, Questions of God? That’s What This Blog Is About!

  1. Les,

    I look forward to taking this journey with you. I love you and pray that this will help you find peace and lead you to back to stronger faith. It is always amazing how scriptures and/or songs can touch people in different ways depending on where they are in their journey. I love Chris Tomlin and his new album, Burning Lights, touches me and make me know that God is in control. Sovereign is one of those songs that for me gives me comfort and hope at this time in my life. I can look back on my journey and see how He was always there. I pray that you will be able to do the same.

  2. Les, this is Jeff. I hesitated to write because I dont have the words. I just lifted you up in prayer begging God to give you strength. I know you have a lot more questions for God and justifably so.
    I know the God you served for so long will get you through this in his time. When I went through my divorce years ago (and I do not claim that to be anything like what you are going through) I had many questions. I could not understand how he could let it happen. I was trying to serve him the best I could and he allowed my family to be destroyed. I remember watching my 1 year old boy being taken from me. Oh, I got to see him on weekends and a few hours on holidays ( gee thanks Lord). I left the church for many years, but there was always that tug. Praise the Lord I found my way back. I pray that he will help you find your way back. Les, I am not attempting to minimize what you have been through , only to say we love you. I know the day will come when I can hear you preach again. I warned you I am not good with words, but something was telling me to say something. So here goes, click and send!

  3. Les, we don’t know each other but I would be honored to walk with you through this. When the time is right, I will gladly share my story with you, one through which I continue to struggle. I commit to lifting you up in prayer to the Father for strength, endurance, whatever you need. I’m like Jeff, not good with words, but felt compelled to say something. You are not alone. – Paul

  4. Bro. From the moment you and I met, we knew we shared a common bond. ( preacher’s kids, who didn’t want to but eventually became preachers themselves because we knew God was dragging us to that place.) We’ve been fortunate to work in the same towns twice and for long periods of time. We’ve become close. I never felt like I coudln’t tell you anything and vice versa for fear of being judged by the other. You’ve shared with me the most horrible and difficult times of my life through my divorce and issues with my daughters. You’ve also shared with me the greatest moment of my life by marrying me and Julie. I understand the anger, I empathize to some extent with your pain. I understand the running from God. He’ll keep chasing after you. You are too precious and valuable to Him. Not only as a son, but now you have a story. A hard, difficult, painful story. But this story isn’t finished. But I know it will end in grace, forgiveness, peace, redemption, and restoration. He is just letting you walk through fire, and while it may be hot and your clothes are on fire to the point of burning up and leaving you naked (bad mental image… sorry), you’re not going to burn up brother. Though the waters are up to your nostrils and you’re standing on your tip toes, you’re not going to drown. God loves you too much, too many brothers and sisters are praying for you, and so many need to hear your story. I’m coming to see you soon. From Jonathan to David… I love you as if you were the brother I never had. Dan

  5. Les, thanks for giving me a window into your mind & heart. The bleak honesty of what you write reminds me of C. S. Lewis’s _A Grief Observed_. And I mean that as praise. Blessings, brother.

    • Thank you, Carl. I appreciate your words very much. I am encouraged by the C.S. Lewis reference. I really hope to turn this writing into something more–maybe something that will help an ex-preacher learn how to provide for his family again!

  6. Les, thank you for writing this blog, for baring your hurt and pain, and your struggle with your faith. For various reasons, many of us struggle with our own faith. I have personally felt guilt over my faith struggle. What you are doing here is important, and touching lives. Please continue to write. I’ll certainly continue to read. Ramona

    • Thank you, Ramona. I appreciate the affirmation. And the sharing. Tell me about your faith struggle?can I talk you into becoming a subscriber?

  7. I love you, Butch. I hope you still consider me your adopted brother. [If nothing else, you should consider me your brother-in-law, since you’re married to my twin sister…go ahead…ask her! 🙂 Well, she probably doesn’t remember, but we have the same birthday.]

    I just found your blog today, and I went back and read the whole thing from the beginning in one sitting. I won’t even try to comment on the tragedy that you experienced, because I won’t pretend that I can relate to it. But, I can relate to struggles, pain, imperfection, hypocrisy, brokenness, wanting-to-understand, asking “why?”, dealing with the unhelpful “helpfulness” of others, etc. I agree with M. Scott Peck’s opening line in his book, The Road Less Traveled: “Life is difficult.” Like a lot of other things in life, that line doesn’t seem to have much power until…well, until it does.

    Like you, I agree that God can handle our full range of feelings – He wants to hear about our day/week/year/life – be it praise, joy, love, anger, hate, despair or anything else. He’s a big God, He can take it, and He’d rather us vent on Him than on others. Heck, He already knows how we really feel, anyway. It has been said that the opposite of love is not hate, but that the opposite of love is apathy.

    Thank you for the blog…better stuff there than in a lot of churches! Love you! -Bill

    • Hey Bill! Wow. Long lost little brother. Lol! Thank you for your words–for reading too. You are all over my new understanding of faith. Please stay in touch–and feel free to comment and pass the blog on to others. Would love to sit and talk some day. So remind me? Which sister do you share a birthday with?

  8. Perusing this page, I realized that you went to the same Bible college as my cousin, Terry Rikard. I doubt that you would have known him, as he graduated in 1999, but still, it’s a small world. 🙂

  9. My experience is different, my own sin led to marry someone abusive. I have struggled with staying vs. leaving for many years and find myself not trusting and afraid to follow God. I wish I could get past regret to genuine repentance and trust God for whatever is left of my life.

  10. Thank you, and Jimmy Hinton, for sharing your powerful stories of the devastating impact of child sexual abuse in the Christian church. I was ordered to be excommunicated and shunned at my church of 8-years by my pastors/elders, when I had opposed their bringing their friend a Megan’s List sex offender to church, giving him church membership, a position of leadership and trust, not telling the church members and all adults, giving the sex offender access to all events with children, Bible studies in which parents brought children, and inviting him to work at the church’s basketball camp for 5-days for children. I saw the sex offender run his hands through my friends’ 4-year old son’s hair. My friends didn’t see it and didn’t know the man was a sex offender. I was screamed at by my pastors/elders who defended their friend and repeatedly told me that I was to *obey them* and to *submit to my elders* and never contact law enforcement again. The pastors/elders said their friend was coming off Megan’s List; his supervising law enforcement agency and the California Attorney General’s Office called that story “all lies” and “total lies”. I have never seen so much insanity before in my life. We have an epidemic of child sexual abuse in the church. A sex offender was defended; I was excommunicated and shunned! I did tell my former friends what I had seen the sex offender do to their young son. They packed up and moved hours away under the pretext of “being near family”, otherwise the pastors/elders would have ordered them to be excommunicated and shunned. I will be praying for you and Jimmy Hinton. I saw the video with you and Jimmy Hinton on mom Clara Hinton’s blog Finding a Healing Place, under the Resource tab. With the scandal currently taking place in Moscow, Idaho, and how to protect children, the nation and the world discussing those cases, your message and Jimmy Hinton’s is timely and I am sending to the links to all of the bloggers.

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