What Molesters Do

What do molesters do?

That’s a seriously good question with major implications.

What do molesters do?

Please don’t freak out on me or get all squeamish. This isn’t about the actual molesting. You’ll get no prurient details from me this day.

Obviously molesters do lots of ugly nasty things. But outside of the ugly and separate from the nasty that actually makes them molesters, it’s important to know what they do.

My new friend, Jimmy Hinton can probably help us better understand the process child molesters go through in selecting, grooming, and manipulating their victims and their families.

But make no mistake, I can easily see with hindsight the inroads Paul Buckman made into our lives and the life of the Orange Grove church. I remember with crystal clear clarity how he played my family’s difficult situation into being the hero of the hour–our helper straight from the hands of God Himself.

Even now it makes me sick to remember how easy it was–how desperate we were for help and relief.

To call it easy is a seriously major understatement.

Cole had a difficult existence. By the time Paul Buckman entered our lives, he was completely wheelchair bound. He took narcotics three times a day for severe leg and muscle pain. Moving from the wheelchair to the van and then the van to the wheelchair again was a painful process. Add to the fact that he was a homebody, and, well, anytime we needed to go somewhere was fraught with hardship and difficulty.

In the meantime, Cole had an upper body strength that was astounding. If he didn’t want to go somewhere (which was most of the time unless it was Sunday morning worship), he fought. If he grabbed you, he was not letting go.

Consequently there were many times when one of us stayed home with Cole. We needed help. Paul Buckman volunteered with a grandfather’s enthusiasm to sit with Cole every Wednesday afternoon–clearing a timeframe where both parents could be out of the house doing whatever we needed to do.

If that wasn’t bad enough, our molester/ murderer also divided the church. Long before the murders of October 10, 2011, he was helping foster the murder of relationships.

Because he loudly and publicly proclaimed his innocence, he contributed to the death of commonsense.

Instead of reporting the criminal accusations (which turned out to be far worse than even our imaginations could conceive) I should have–as it was pointed out to me quite angrily and forcibly–gone to Paul Buckman and worked it out with him.

If it wasn’t so sickening, it would be laughable.

And yes, a few folks left the church over the way we involved the law. Others began a campaign of innuendo and slander.

Let me be fair. Most members of the church were very supportive. But, it only took an extremely small, tiny minority to swallow Paul Buckman’s lies… and those few made life even harder.

The point of all this isn’t to make you feel sorry for me or my family. Not at all. The past is the past–and even though the past extends to the future, we are marching on with determination.

However, there is a point. When churches are invaded by those who would do great bodily and emotional harm, church members have to unite. The offenders will do anything to persuade and deflect and turn public opinion in their favor. As that happens, more harm is being inflicted on the victims and their families.

Believe me, there is a loneliness in that situation that boggles the mind.

What do molesters do?
They destroy lives, futures, families, churches, and ministries.

Be vigilant.
Stay strong.
Protect the children.

They deserve that and more.

Thanks for reading, sharing, and commenting. Let me know if I can help you or your church/group!

Les Ferguson, Jr.

9 thoughts on “What Molesters Do

  1. Agree-“if it wasn’t so sickening it would be laughable”…and I wonder where those people are now? Still in church? Any church? Any apologies? Will your severe life experience change their awareness of the evil that invades churches?

  2. Fantastic article, Les! Molesters are brilliant in planning their strategies and in choosing their victims — both adults and children. In your case, the molester has the “perfect set-up” — he looking like a hero giving you and your wife some precious relief in time away AND he was that wonderful person who “volunteered” his time to sit with your sin. We need to be on guard at all times!!! When we are most vulnerable is when the molester comes in and makes his move.

    As we educate, others will have their eyes opened to the truth. It’s hard for any of us to imagine that their are such evil people in this world, let alone in our churches. It’s high time we wake up!

    Thanks so much for sharing your life with us today — for the children, we must get educated on this hard things!

    • Clara, yours and Jimmy’s expertise is needed. I hate how you acquired it, but so grateful for your willingness to share and teach. Thank you for including me!

  3. Great points, Les. There is a ripple effect that goes far beyond the actual abuse, which is itself unfathomable. Many victims have to face their abuser in churches and quietly pretend like everything is fine. This makes me shudder. You do a great job writing. Keep it up.

  4. This is a needed article- i’m so glad you posted it. Sometimes we ( nice people, “church” people) have such a hard time getting our heads around such evil behavior that we don’t learn the signs, or work hard to deny it.

    And we also need to be aware that the victims of abuse are VICTIMS. Asking or inferring that they did something to invite it, or didn’t stop or report it, asking if they derived pleasure… That’s rape culture rearing its ugly head- the script that sexual crimes are the responsibility of the victim to stop as opposed to putting the responsibility for evil on the ones who perpetrate it.

    Keep educating the masses, please

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