A Little Bit of Gratitude…

I set the hook in the last post for an article that is not quite written.

So I lied. Unintentionally, but only because I stopped to write what follows.

Weird segue here, so bear with me…

I have no idea if I am posting too often.

I question if my blogs are too long.

I wonder if it’s been a bad post when fewer folks read. (Trying to read the stats is like trying to read tea leaves and I have no idea what that is about!)

I have a lot of self doubt from day-to-day whether I can really do the things I am dreaming about.

But there are some things I am confident of…

I am amazed at the feedback I am getting from day to day.

Emails, blog comments, Facebook messages… with just one or two negatives, most are telling me that I am speaking where they wish others would–expressing doubt, asking questions they wish they could ask.

Here’s a response I got last night–not in its entirety but just a couple of excerpts:

“Are you inside my head?? It seems as though you are looking through my eyes and reading my thoughts.”

No ma’am, I am not. But your experiences, though different from mine, are still the results of horrific tragedy–it doesn’t surprise me at all that in our humanity, we are asking the same questions and feeling the same anger and pain. I can’t comprehend exactly what you went through, but neither can you get a full grip on my circumstances. But, we both know heartache and confusion and the over-riding sense that somehow God abandoned us.

“I’m hearing what you are writing loud and clear! You’re doing great. I wish I were as brave!”

Don’t make my head swell. This is not bravery no matter how many people express the same thing. This is necessity. To have a faith that ends in hope, we (at least I) have to wrestle with God. It is rarely comfortable and often painful. Like the story of Jacob, my hip has been wrenched and I may walk with a spiritual limp the rest of my days.

However, in the continued struggle, there is a physical/ spiritual therapy that may make the limp less noticeable.

So, in the interest of brevity–and because I am needed to watch an almost seven year old play in his second biddy basketball game in just a bit, allow me to express my gratitude.

To those who read, thank you.

To those who comment however or wherever, thank you.

In the upside down right side up world I inhabit, much was lost. Much has also been found. (Thank you, Becki)

I never thought I would find a way to get my voice back. By reading and interacting, you have given me that again. It’s a different voice to be sure, but I am filled with gratitude all the same.

May lives be helped and spirits raised.

If feels so good to dream again…

PS. For those who care about such things, in just barely over a month, this blog has attracted over 28,000 hits. In fact, I suspect it will pass the 29,000 mark before the night is through. I am humbled, amazed, and excited!

26 thoughts on “A Little Bit of Gratitude…

  1. Don’t underestimate yourself. Your passion to express your thoughts came from tragedy but the talent for writing was already there.

  2. Les, first let me say , no you do not post your blogs too often, and no, they are not too long. Some subjects can’t be addressed in a minimal space, and with the thoughts you have yet to share, I’m sure you could write for hours and not finish. I was talking with Julie Sunday night and told her how amazed I am with your posts. While I can’t begin to imagine the pain you experienced, I “feel it” as I am reading your posts, if that makes sense. I am so thankful you have Becki to journey with you, and that you listened to your heart. God bless you as you continue to work toward your book. You are reaching a lot of people, and perhaps “getting through” to many more than if you were in the pulpit.

  3. Today we learned that my 51 year old daughter (wife, mother of two sons, grandmother of one grandson) had stomach cancer which was beyond chemo/radiation treatments, surgery the only option. This is the first cancer in my family (from my parents to several great grands between my sister and me).

    Your blogs have taken on an entirely new meaning to me, not that my situation is anywhere near yours — either the trauma or faith battle — but I can appreciate the struggle that is just beginning for me.

  4. Hi Les- We have been following your blog for just a little while now. Its been so long since we have seen you. Our hearts were crushed to hear about Karen and Cole. We cannot begin to imagine what pain you have faced in the last year and a half. You have been in our prayers and thought of many times. I still have a keepsake gift Karen gave to me from your wedding. (You probably forgot that I was a bridesmaid that day.) We are so thankful that you have found Becki and hope we can meet her one day. We haven’t been back to V’burg as often anymore since my in-laws have moved here, but I am sure we will sooner or later. I will always be thankful for the time I lived there and the friends that I made. Keep writing – it is encouraging. There are so many out here struggling with their faith for whatever reasons. Myself included – I have so many questions -the biggest one being WHY? We will continue to pray for you and your family in this journey

    Marilyn & Tony Crawford

    • Thank you, Marilyn for the encouragement! Give your family my love–and I would be thrilled for you to meet Becki. She is wonderful beyond measure!

  5. You are not writing too often and your posts are not too long! Thanks for such a wonderful blog. I get something out of each one. You have a great talent. Keep on trucking.

  6. Les I dont think it matters what other people are thinking. At this point in your life its the best theorapy for you and your family.Be Blessed

  7. Write what’s on your heart and mind. Stop counting! Writing this blog is for YOU-the rest of us are reading it for ourselves.

  8. Les,

    It does take a certain amount of bravery to write what you are writing. What is inside of you is coming out… if more of us did this, whether public or not, maybe….

    I do not know your wife, but what I know is that I am thrilled for you that you have this woman with you who is there to help you navigate through the pain and healing. THAT takes a strong woman and so Becki – my thanks for being a part of this family’s life…

    On a side note, please do not worry about the size of your blog or how often you write. Don’t worry about any of it. You know how you say in church that it is by Divine Appointment that someone is in church? I believe the same with your blog. Everytime I read I feel like you and I are sitting here discussing/wrestling with the questions….

    No matter the outcome, please keep writing, Les. You have a gift… you can put into words what some of us can only think.

    Love to you, Becki and the kiddos

  9. Les These blogs are for you, you have only invited us to come along and i am grateful. I have invited my fb friends to join you. Just this past week my neice lost her husband, he was only 48 years old and she is strugling. Your post are not to long yes the details are ugly and some people cant handle ugly, but the truth is evil is alive and well in our world. this is your story your journey thank you for alowing me to come along. I need this as i too am still looking for answers.. love you brother.

  10. It’s no wonder your blog is so widely read. In a world of “feel good” religion and pop-psychology, you are expressing reality … and in a strange way it is refreshing to read about real faith in the real world. Keep writing, long or short. Just keep writing. Only on the “other side” will know the full impact you are having on people’s hearts and souls. I suspect your present ministry is as powerful if not more powerful than your previous ministry.

  11. Don’t change a thing about your blog! I often read your articles first because you talk to my heart. I pray for you every time I read you.

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