Hodgepodge & Sovereign Redo

It’s been a beautiful Saturday thus far. I have spent the better part of the day painting in our master bedroom bath. As I write this I am pretty well splattered with paint and tired. Hopefully not too tired for an evening walk/ run in just a bit.

I m very appreciative of the audience and fellow travelers who have connected through the pages of this blog. It tickles me to no end to see some of you communicating back and forth through the comments.

All of us are at different places on the same journey of discovery and understanding. I envy you who are traveling much faster with a clearer view than me.

I think it would be easier if there were not so many different ripples going in as many different directions. I told Becki today in a moment/ a couple of hours of self-pity that I felt like a loser. I am not looking for your affirmations or even words of encouragement. You can’t fix this by telling me how I should feel or even by pointing out the good things going on.

Just understand, trying to start two careers simultaneously is hard. Either one by their little lonesome would be enough difficulty. I have never been a man of great patience. Under normal circumstances it would take a couple more years to get this real estate thing going good enough for me to be self-sufficient. As for building a writing and speaker career, I have no idea the time frame necessary to be successful.

The only solution I know for the constant worry, fear, and stress is to keep plugging away trying to build a business and writing as much as I can. It is what I am going to do.

Thank you for sharing the journey and giving me voice once again…

A coupe of notes…

The Drew Marshall Show sent me this official link to the interview I did with them last week.

http://www.drewmarshall.ca/listen2013.html#130406

I am writing some other things for other formats.
The blog is closing in on 59,000 views.
And best of all, my oldest son, Kyle, got his acceptance letter for the nursing program at the University of Alabama–Hunstville. Woo Hoo Kyle! So proud of you!

In the meantime, in place of your regularly scheduled programming, I am reporting here the first blog article that started it all for me…

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Sovereign in the mountain
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

I love this song.
I hate this song.
I love Chris Tomlin.
I hate Chris Tomlin.

To say I am a conflicted man is a such cliched statement.
Cliched or not, it’s true.

Please understand, what you will read in the pages and chapters of whatever this will ultimately become won’t be for the faint of heart. It won’t be for those whose faith is comfortable or complacent. It may very well be too much for those who cannot handle unvarnished truth and pain.

One page may be raw emotion. Another story may be bittersweet memories of what was lost forever. And still another entry may be rage against the God I believe in… the God whom I have lost my faith, hope, and trust in.

That’s why I both love and hate Chris Tomlin’s song Sovereign.

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

I want to believe that so badly.
I desperately need to believe again.

And yet.
And yet…