Over the past several weeks, we have moved more of our stuff from Vicksburg to Madison
We’ve packed up over there; unpacked over here (or least stacked boxes in sometimes strategic places).
The act of moving is not an art. There isn’t a delicate movement here or there—no finely tuned instrumentation taking place. It is just a blunt necessity.
This particular move has been anything but typical. We have strung this out in bits and pieces while we work on the new house. But ready or not, it is time to get everything from there to here.
What has been typical comes from this perspective: What looked valuable, important, and needed over there somehow looks junky, unimportant, and unwanted over here.
Be that as it may, all this moving stuff has caused me a bit of difficulty.
Over there, I had mostly hidden the treasures and knick knacks that were so important to my son, Cole. Hidden, as in put away, out of sight, and lacking the ability to move around on their own. I knew what and where to avoid—to keep myself from stepping on any emotional land mines especially if I was unprepared (as if one could ever be truly be ready).
Over here, I am having to handle them, find places for them, and otherwise deal with my grief and pain in a fresh new way.
I have been known to say that losing a child is like living a nightmare you never wake up from.
It’s always there.
It never goes away
And tears may come when you least expect it.
King David mourned the death of his son with these famous words: My son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you, Absalom, my son, my son! (2 Samuel 18:33 HCSB)
I get it.
I wish I didn’t, but I do.
I get the pain.
I get the hurt.
I get the anguish and anger.
As I write this, I would like to fuss about my contacts not working. I’d like to complain about how blurry my glasses are. But the truth is often quite simple: tears have a way of distorting our vision.
Some days it is just plain hard to see.
I miss my boy.
I really do.
But as I push past the tears, as I trust in the God who will one day wipe them all away, I find myself thankful for you:
For my wife
For my children
For my family
For my friends
For my church
For all who lent an ear, shared a shoulder, and otherwise walked with me through the valley of the shadow of death.
Your love and support helps bear a burden too big to carry alone.
Thank you for being Jesus to me and living out the words of Paul in Colossians 3:12-15.
Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. Above all, put on love—the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of the Messiah, to which you were also called in one body, control your hearts. Be thankful.
And I am.
As the song says, thank you Lord for loving me…