Yesterday was very productive. I wrote and sent a bio. I wrote and sent a book proposal to three different people. I asked another if He might be interested.
Now I wait. Very impatiently.
In the mean time, there is something I want to share…
In the aftermath of Cole’s molestation and multiple rapes, I was beside myself with guilt.
How could I have not known?
How could I have not seen?
Why didn’t I protect my child better?
Did I say guilt? Absolutely. I still find plenty of opportunities to beat myself up over my failures.
And then, after Karen and Cole were murdered, more guilt, more self-recrimination throbbed like a smashed thumbnail throughout my psyche and my soul.
This isn’t, by the way, about having you massage my guilt away or somehow make me feel less like a failure.
The truth is a bitter pill to swallow. When it counted most, I failed.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not wallowing in pity. There were plenty of signs for me to see–there was ample evidence to have helped me grasp what was going on. But, I have since learned that child molesters are very smart and controlling people. They are manipulators who groom both their victims and those around them. They play masterfully on our preconditioned desire to trust–especially when we are needing help.
When we looked at Paul Buckman, we saw a kindly, grandfatherly man who loved us, loved Cole, and wanted to help ease a burden. We were ecstatic. That’s exactly what we were supposed to see and feel.
I will always believe Paul Buckman could have been stopped–should have been stopped. So somehow, someway, we have to find a way to protect our children. Even in churches. Especially in churches. We cannot allow a fear of conflict to hinder us from saying or telling what needs to be said. Especially for our children.
The very place we want to trust the most is an easy playing field for the stalkers among us.
The first blog is written by a preacher (Jimmy Hinton) who was also a preacher’s son.
The second blog is written by a woman who was a preacher’s wife (Clara Hinton).
Was is the operative word.
Together, they lived with a preacher husband/ father who is now in jail for being a child molester. A predator who went undetected for over 40 years.
Can you imagine the horror?
And yet, even having lived through my own hell, I still have trouble imagining how much and how often our children are destroyed by this pervasive evil.
It’s way beyond time to say no more. I am looking forward to hearing more of Jimmy and Clara’s story–not because I revel in ugliness, but because we must wade through it in order to stop it!
Standing up for children is everybody’s business!
Can I get an Amen?
Les Ferguson, Jr.