For years and years, I preached a Mother’s Day sermon. For most of those years, I always read the same little book, Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.
During the last couple of years, it got a bit harder to read without choking up.
“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”
Even before the events of October 10, 2011, we knew Cole’s lifespan was not as long as it once was. The last few years were hard on him and us. Add in the drama and trauma of being victimized by a sexual predator, well, it was very hard in every facet of life.
But, we tried hard to find normalcy even where none was really possible.
At any rate, those last few Mother’s Day sermons were harder than all the earlier ones. I was fairly self-absorbed for many of those years and sort of knew that some people had a hard time on Mother’s Day. As much as I didn’t want to get it, I slowly became aware of the difficulty Mother’s Day presented for some.
At this point in my life, I get it in spades.
Some had bad childhoods.
Some desired to be a Mom.
Some were missing their Mom…
Today I was one of those people looked down upon by the smugly self-righteous. I was planning to go to church. I was going to put a brave face on. And if there was a Mother’s Day sermon, I was going to lean into the pain–experience it, overcome it, and be stronger because of it.
But I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t subject myself or my kids to all the happy faces celebrating good old mom.
I wasn’t being selfish by staying home. I am thankful for Moms everywhere. I have been blessed with a great Mom and two Mother-in-laws who each mean the world to me.
I have sisters and sister-in-laws who are great Mom’s as well.
I was married to a great Mom.
I am married to a great Mom.
I am thankful for all of them–and your Mom too.
Today, Casey is missing his Mom in heaven so much. He has said how he wished she could be here several times. It rips me to pieces at every mention of it. In a little while we are going to walk up to the front pasture and let go a Happy Mother’s Day helium balloon to his Mom in heaven. I will chew on my bottom lip the entire time to maintain some semblance of composure. I don’t think there is anything more sucky than a little boy using a balloon to communicate with his mother.
And Becki? She is blessing us in more ways than most could even think of comprehending. Her compassion and love is overwhelming. I don’t know what we did to deserve it. She has cried multiple times today over the pain in little Casey’s heart. She has a mother’s strength and will hold our hands every step of the way.
“God, I am sorry we couldn’t make it to worship this morning… I am angrier with you today than normal, but I believe you understand.”
To all my Moms and the past and present mothers of my children, Happy Mother’s Day.