Hodgepodge & Sovereign Redo

It’s been a beautiful Saturday thus far. I have spent the better part of the day painting in our master bedroom bath. As I write this I am pretty well splattered with paint and tired. Hopefully not too tired for an evening walk/ run in just a bit.

I m very appreciative of the audience and fellow travelers who have connected through the pages of this blog. It tickles me to no end to see some of you communicating back and forth through the comments.

All of us are at different places on the same journey of discovery and understanding. I envy you who are traveling much faster with a clearer view than me.

I think it would be easier if there were not so many different ripples going in as many different directions. I told Becki today in a moment/ a couple of hours of self-pity that I felt like a loser. I am not looking for your affirmations or even words of encouragement. You can’t fix this by telling me how I should feel or even by pointing out the good things going on.

Just understand, trying to start two careers simultaneously is hard. Either one by their little lonesome would be enough difficulty. I have never been a man of great patience. Under normal circumstances it would take a couple more years to get this real estate thing going good enough for me to be self-sufficient. As for building a writing and speaker career, I have no idea the time frame necessary to be successful.

The only solution I know for the constant worry, fear, and stress is to keep plugging away trying to build a business and writing as much as I can. It is what I am going to do.

Thank you for sharing the journey and giving me voice once again…

A coupe of notes…

The Drew Marshall Show sent me this official link to the interview I did with them last week.

http://www.drewmarshall.ca/listen2013.html#130406

I am writing some other things for other formats.
The blog is closing in on 59,000 views.
And best of all, my oldest son, Kyle, got his acceptance letter for the nursing program at the University of Alabama–Hunstville. Woo Hoo Kyle! So proud of you!

In the meantime, in place of your regularly scheduled programming, I am reporting here the first blog article that started it all for me…

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Sovereign in the mountain
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

I love this song.
I hate this song.
I love Chris Tomlin.
I hate Chris Tomlin.

To say I am a conflicted man is a such cliched statement.
Cliched or not, it’s true.

Please understand, what you will read in the pages and chapters of whatever this will ultimately become won’t be for the faint of heart. It won’t be for those whose faith is comfortable or complacent. It may very well be too much for those who cannot handle unvarnished truth and pain.

One page may be raw emotion. Another story may be bittersweet memories of what was lost forever. And still another entry may be rage against the God I believe in… the God whom I have lost my faith, hope, and trust in.

That’s why I both love and hate Chris Tomlin’s song Sovereign.

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

I want to believe that so badly.
I desperately need to believe again.

And yet.
And yet…

8 thoughts on “Hodgepodge & Sovereign Redo

  1. Practical advice: My husband is in real estate and has been for years. We have noticed that it really makes a diff if you are able to manage rental homes on the side for steady income. Not always the easiest way to make a living but it helps with the inevitable real estate cycles. Hang in there!

  2. Your words are helping me sort out facets of my grief. I was stuck in a phase. Your writing helped me identify some attitudes and beliefs that are blocking me. So I am working on those now. Thanks so much.

  3. You and I are the same age give our take a few months. Last year I got serious about launching my photography business…while hanging on to a very hectic day job. I want instant success and recognition. I’m getting a slowly building audience. Sometimes I get so frustrated by how hard I’m working but how slowly it’s building. Your incredible readership in just a short time is a testimony that you are on the right track. Hang in there.

    On a related note, I connected with a woman in the airport on Saturday. She was heading home from burying her niece. She was realy struggling with her faith in the aftermath. I told her about your blog. I believe she will become an eager reader. I am thankful to have this resource to recommend to others that are hurting.

  4. … and yet…. and yet…. each post I see more hope than in the one before….. For me writing is very theraputic….. It gives me words that I can’t get out of my mouth… and there’s healing in them, once they have found their voice. Keep writing…. I’m along for the long haul…. Oh, and a huge congrats to Kyle!!!!!

  5. I listened to your interview tonight and I have no idea how you were able to get through that. I cried through it. I know we left Orange Grove on shakey ground but it was not you at least on my part. It was some people that well let’s just say it acted like we didn’t exist. We could say good morning and they would actually turn their heads away so as not to see or speak. That is of no comparison to you of course but I can understand the issues you dealt with. I emailed you a few pages of a book I started years ago about my childhood only to show compassion for the events in your life. I couldn’t ever write another word because just putting that much on paper war me down into a deep hole of depression. So I also don’t know how you get through each day. I am thankful you went on with your life and in no way judge you. You have to continue and survive. As you said there are no words to express other than I love you brother. Much love to your new wife and family and I will continue reading your blog. I too will buy the book if you are ever able to write it. Candice’s girls (the 2 oldest) were molested by her fiancée. He was charged and given 55 years. I struggle so hard with it but she had a child with him also. He was put in prison when Metia was less than a year old. She has such a sweet and loving spirit. Unlike the DEMON he is. Candice is married now and all the girls. There are 3 now, Kaileigh 12, Yanna \7 and Metia 4 call her husband Nate daddy and really love him. I was able to talk to Kaileigh about the abuse because it had happened to me at age 5-7. So I was able to help her in a small way. The 2 oldest are in counseling and will be for a lot of years. I want to blow his brains out.
    Much love Les,
    Charleen Webb

  6. Excited for Kyle! I live in Huntsville and would love for Kyle to visit with our congregation at Twickenham Church of Christ. My husband is a nurse and would offer any help he could to Kyle in his studies.

    Standing with you in your journey,
    Karen

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