Cole! Heaven’s Quarterback!

cole again

Cole.

He was a funny boy with an incredibly infectious smile that lit up the room. He could be hard to understand, but the more you were with him, the easier it was to communicate.

He could be hard headed, stubborn, and difficult. Especially if he hurt and didn’t want to to tell you.

We had a lot of fun interspersed with difficult days that were painful for all. His sexual abuse and rape changed everything and it affected our whole family dynamic.

The months and weeks leading up to October 10, 2011 were hard. Cole was often angry, fearful, and upset. Because of his disabilities, he couldn’t quite find a way to process those things that made him a victim of a sexual predator. Even had he been normal as the world defines such, I don’t know if he could have ever processed it.

God knows I struggled and still do to understand how evil can walk among us like a wolf in sheep clothing. Harder still are the lengths some will go to defend the guilty and tear down the wounded.

Most people were so very supportive. But some doubted–and I understand in a way, because I tried out every possible scenario to make this all a mistake or misunderstanding. Who in their right mind would want to believe something so dreadful happened to their precious child?

Not this father. Not ever.

And try as I might, I couldn’t make it something different. It was a Friday night when the truth finally hit home. Cole was able to communicate a little more clearly the great extent of what occurred. What I share next is going to sound really strange. While I have shared this before, I suspect hearing it for the first time or the second, you will have no trouble understanding the graphic nature of what Cole told us…

“He put toothpaste on my butt and give me a big shot.”

That was the night I had to be stopped from leaving the house for a Buckman hunting trip.

I honestly could have killed him without blinking. I would have wished the power to resurrect him to do it over and over in ways imaginative and cruel.

My precious son deserved so much more than he received from life–and the one who conspired to steal it.

I wish you could have known him, to experience his zest for life and desire to do anything you could. I wish you’d had the unparalleled opportunity to watch a football game with him. Especially if his hero, Brett Farve was playing.

He could talk trash with the best!

Two weeks before Cole died, he was still telling me Brett was going to make another come back.

We buried Cole in his beloved autographed Brett Farve football jersey given to him from Brett on his 21st birthday.

I bet these days heaven’s newest and best quarterback has the strongest arm ever…

Play hard, Cole. Your Daddy is proud of you.

I will go to him, but he will not return to me. (2 Samuel 12:23 NIV)

Love your children! Hug them when you can! Live now without regrets later!

How can I help you make the most of your time?

Les, Jr.

16 thoughts on “Cole! Heaven’s Quarterback!

  1. You are right brother. He could talk trash! He loved nothing better than talking about you wearing pink drawers!!! We will see him again!

  2. Les, I’m so grieved over the horror that you and your family have experienced. It sounds like Cole was one great, fun loving kid. As long as I’m in this world, I will never understand why God “allows” such evil to visit his own children. Evil,in the form of cancer, ravaged my own son for a year before it completely consumed his body and took his life 2 years ago. Where was God? Right beside him, (as people like to remind me as if this is some great new revelation)! Why does God seem no more a spectator or a bystander when his own children are begging for his intervention?

    • Kim, I cannot ask the questions any better than you have done. I am writing now an article about when God isn’t. I’ll leave it at that except to say I feel your pain. Sadly, Cole’s body was being ravaged by disease and would have killed him at some point. I hated to see him suffer as I know you did your son. In this journey of loss, questions, and anger, you have a friend and a fellow walker/ limper!

  3. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Les. I think it will help all who follow you make the most of our time. I’m so sorry for the pain you have endured and the hurt that others have caused you as you struggle to recover and regain your life. I hope reading your thoughts will make all of us have a bit more love and compassion for those around us. I know I will strive to do so. I also think Cole knows how proud you are of him! Thanks again.

  4. Evil has no boundaries. So thankful for God’s healing power in this life and and the one to come. You are a blessing to so many Les, many like me who have never met you in person.

  5. I hope your sharing will help you on your journey. Know that Cole and Karen are happy in God’s presence. Offer your pain as a prayer for your family and for those who are abused. May God bless you and yours.

  6. He was sooooo funny. And nothing made him laugh harder that ragging the big boys (Mike, Steve Jr, Kyle, Will) in front of him about his ability to wax their behinds in video games. He has that perfect throwing arm now and can’t wait for the day we can sit in the stands, watch him play, and cheer him on. Hugs to you!

  7. I love hearing you talk about Cole. You have a real gift for painting a picture with words. After each story about Cole, I really feel like I know him better and even feel more and more connected to him. Thanks for writing – we can learn so much from you and from Cole. Love ya!

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