I set the hook in the last post for an article that is not quite written.
So I lied. Unintentionally, but only because I stopped to write what follows.
Weird segue here, so bear with me…
I have no idea if I am posting too often.
I question if my blogs are too long.
I wonder if it’s been a bad post when fewer folks read. (Trying to read the stats is like trying to read tea leaves and I have no idea what that is about!)
I have a lot of self doubt from day-to-day whether I can really do the things I am dreaming about.
But there are some things I am confident of…
I am amazed at the feedback I am getting from day to day.
Emails, blog comments, Facebook messages… with just one or two negatives, most are telling me that I am speaking where they wish others would–expressing doubt, asking questions they wish they could ask.
Here’s a response I got last night–not in its entirety but just a couple of excerpts:
“Are you inside my head?? It seems as though you are looking through my eyes and reading my thoughts.”
No ma’am, I am not. But your experiences, though different from mine, are still the results of horrific tragedy–it doesn’t surprise me at all that in our humanity, we are asking the same questions and feeling the same anger and pain. I can’t comprehend exactly what you went through, but neither can you get a full grip on my circumstances. But, we both know heartache and confusion and the over-riding sense that somehow God abandoned us.
“I’m hearing what you are writing loud and clear! You’re doing great. I wish I were as brave!”
Don’t make my head swell. This is not bravery no matter how many people express the same thing. This is necessity. To have a faith that ends in hope, we (at least I) have to wrestle with God. It is rarely comfortable and often painful. Like the story of Jacob, my hip has been wrenched and I may walk with a spiritual limp the rest of my days.
However, in the continued struggle, there is a physical/ spiritual therapy that may make the limp less noticeable.
So, in the interest of brevity–and because I am needed to watch an almost seven year old play in his second biddy basketball game in just a bit, allow me to express my gratitude.
To those who read, thank you.
To those who comment however or wherever, thank you.
In the upside down right side up world I inhabit, much was lost. Much has also been found. (Thank you, Becki)
I never thought I would find a way to get my voice back. By reading and interacting, you have given me that again. It’s a different voice to be sure, but I am filled with gratitude all the same.
May lives be helped and spirits raised.
If feels so good to dream again…
PS. For those who care about such things, in just barely over a month, this blog has attracted over 28,000 hits. In fact, I suspect it will pass the 29,000 mark before the night is through. I am humbled, amazed, and excited!