**Warning: Some graphic details**
My Casey is a double handful. He burns energy and daylight like there is no end in sight. Rarely still for more than a few minutes at a time, there are some questions that do give him pause and really rock my world all over again.
Before his mother and brother were so brutally murdered, he was already asking questions as to why his birth mother didn’t want him. And to then be at the house while his adoptive mother fought for their lives…
It is a true horror story.
And I have no answers to help him.
Casey has not said much to any therapists we have seen. He is, however, talking to my wife, Becki. Just this past Saturday he offered a new tidbit of information unknown to me before.
When Paul Buckman burst into our home that day, he forced Casey and Karen at gun point to bring Cole out of his room in his wheelchair. I have wondered at times if he really intended to murder them or if maybe he was just taking Cole outside to try and get him to change his story.
But, according to Casey, he was screaming the whole time that he couldn’t go to jail for a hundred years so he had to kill them.
And Karen? She was a hero. She fought like a banshee–she wrestled his hatchet away from him and worked on his head with it. I am told before he took the ultimate coward’s way out, he was a bloody, bloody mess.
And Cole? According to Casey he got in one good punch that bloodied Paul Buckman’s nose.
As much as I hate the violence they endured, I am so glad Cole got in at least one good lick. I hope it rang Paul Buckman’s bell.
I fully believe Karen could have escaped with Casey. But there was no way she would leave her son to face his fate alone. We have no way of being certain, but we are fairly sure she lived to see Cole murdered before succumbing to the same fate.
The horror they endured played like a never ending loop through my head for months–over and over again.
I am still stricken with grief when I stop and consider how much little Casey saw, how much he remembers, and how much of this horror invades his conscious thoughts and nighttime dreams.
Thankfully, Karen is not the only hero in Casey’s life.
For those of you who do not know my Becki, you are missing out on an amazing, sweet, and beautiful person. She doesn’t want any accolades. She is not looking for any credit. But she is an astounding hero nonetheless.
No, she hasn’t faced any intruders comIng in to her home with hatchet and gun. She has not fought tooth and nail against flesh and blood bad guys.
Instead she has selflessly embraced a broken wounded man.
She has invited into her home and heart two children who have experienced the worst this world can throw at them.
She has no idea what future heartache or drama will leak out from all the old and horrific pain and accepts that risk
She has chosen to love fully.
She has determined to heal completely.
She assigns value to those who sometime fail to see value in themselves.
She makes me a better man than I am.
I don’t know if I could walk in her shoes…
But I’m so glad she does.
As far as Paul Buckman is concerned, he was a coward. To this day we have never heard from any of his family. Lawyers tell us us he had a sizable pension from BP, but we cannot go after it in any way. Not that I want to live on his money, but it makes me sick thinking that others are profiting from his death.
But any way you look at it, neither he nor his supporters are worth the time or energy needed to hate them…